A Birthday Tale
by MauMauKa
Summary: Traditions are important, but Face isn't so sure about this one.


"Happy Birthday to yooooouuuuu..."

Face crouched behind the Corvette, trying to slow his breathing. One twitch and they'd be on top of him and then there'd be hell to pay.

"Happpy Birthdaaayyy to yooooooouuuuu..."

Trapped, Face peeked under the car and counted three pairs of shoes. _Damn it, damn it, damn it! Why didn't I just keep my big mouth shut?_ He wondered desperately as he reviewed his options. He was in the farthest corner of a parking garage. He had escaped here by bolting into the elevator a split second before the doors shut but they knew him. They knew where he liked to park.

"Happy Birthday deeeaaarrr Faaaacceeemaaaaaan..."

That was Murdock, the one he wanted to avoid the most. "Does any man, anywhere have to go through what I go through?" Face muttered to himself. "Whatever happened to a dried-out old sheet cake and gift certificates that I will never use"?

"GOTCHA!" Murdock's face, twisted into an evil smile, popped up over the roof of the car. Face pressed himself against the wall, for once willing to incur a dry-cleaning bill if it got him out of this nightmare. "No! Go away, Murdock!"

"Not a chance, muchacho! _Feliz Cumpleaños _andeverything that goes with em'! B.A.! Hannibal! I got him cornered over here!"

Hannibal's face appeared next. "Come on, Lieutenant! Are you telling me the man that came out of Hanoi with barely a scratch on him is afraid of a little birthday cheer?"

"You guys are sick!" Face stood up, keeping his back pressed firmly against the wall.

"It's tradition, Faceman!" Murdock giggled. That was bad. Nothing good ever happpened when Murdock giggled. It was okay as long as the deranged sound was directed at their enemies, but when it was directed at _him..._

"C'mon, fool!" B.A. pounded a massive fist into his open palm. "Come out and take what's comin' to you! Take it like a man!"

"Like a man. Right." Face shook his head. "How many men do this, B.A.? Just name me three."

"Hannibal, Murdock, an me!" B.A. loomed over the Corvette's hood and gripped the front of Face's perfectly-pressed white shirt. "Now it's your turn. Don't make me pull you out of there."

Face groaned, knowing that he was doomed. Very slowly, dragging his feet, he came out from behind his vehicle.

"Assume the position" Hannibal said.

Face did.

"How old are you? How old are you?"

Murdock sang as his paddle whistled through the air and went SMACK! against the conman's Armani-covered rear.

"Thirty-one!" Face hissed through clenched teeth.

"Two for lying" Hannibal said affably, swinging his own paddle.

"OW Okay! Thirty-_three._ But if anyone asks I'm thirty-one, okay?" Face buried his head in his arms. This was SO goddamn humiliating! His only comfort was that Hannibal's birthday was next. If they could catch him, _his_ count would be somewhere in the 50's.

"Fair enough" agreed Hannibal. "B.A.?"

The big man chuckled. "Which way you want it man? One big one or Thirty-three little ones?"

Face snorted at the offer. B.A.'s idea of a "little" spank made most people's teeth rattle. "One big one, please."

BOOM! Face rocked against the car. His ass felt like it was on fire, and not in a good way.

"One to grow on!" Murdock chirped happily. Face gave him a dirty look. The paddle swung out, stopped and gave the conman's seat a gentle tap. Murdock crowed with laughter. "Oh man! You shoulda seen your face for that last one! Next year, someone bring a camera!"

"Next year, _you _aren't going to walk for three months!" Face growled at the pilot. "I guarantee it."

"Promises, promises!" Murdock waggled his eyebrows.

"You hit like a girl, fool!" B.A. chuckled.

"Oh yeah?" Before Hannibal could react, Face grabbed his paddle and waved it threateningly at B.A. and Murdock. "I mean it. You are all gonna pay!"

"Now Face" Hannibal said soothingly. "You haven't gone through anything that the rest of us haven't had to go through."

"But _why _do we do it, Hannibal? We're not a fraternity! Don't you guys think this is sort of weird, if not outright kinky?"

Hannibal lit a cigar. "Was it good for you, Colonel?" Murdock wisecracked, earning himself an annoyed glance from their Fearless Leader. Hannibal smoked silently for a moment, his expression thoughtful then he nodded and took the cigar from his mouth. "We do it" he announced. "Because we're too old to play pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey."

"_That's _it, is it?" Face's voice dripped with sarcasm.

"Yup."

"We _are?" _Murdock asked, his eyes wide. "How come nobody _told _me?! I know the orderlies at the VA were upset when I started chasing them with a hatpin, but I never dreamed-"

"Why'd you do that?" Face asked, curiosity getting the better of him.

Murdock shrugged. "They all look like jackasses. What was I supposed to think?"

Even B.A. laughed at that one. "C'mon, Face" Hannibal slung an arm around the conman's shoulders. "Put the paddle away. We've got a lot more celebrating to do tonight."

Face sighed and did as he was told. There were some grenades in the van. Maybe he'd take a leaf from Murdock's book and ask the Colonel if they were too old to play hot potato.


End file.
